Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
