I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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