I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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