Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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