There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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