i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
