Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have feelings that need drinking.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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