If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
