I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
