i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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