His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize