I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize