i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
