Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
