god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
