we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize