To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize