Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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