umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
