I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
