you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize