Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
