but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
