i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize