so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
