So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
