Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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