I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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