I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
