I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
