I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
