at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
