the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
