I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
