3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
