just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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