I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
