it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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