I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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