so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
