i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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