Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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