he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
