I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ladies don't puke and tell
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize