This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the day after is always just damage control
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
