So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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