Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
