please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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