You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
