you lied. pity sex is amazing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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