I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
