You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
