Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just forgot I was standing up.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
