i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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