i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize