yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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