I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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