I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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