I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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