Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
