To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you didnt know i had herpes?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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