East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
