He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
