I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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