Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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