I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
