My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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