Do you still have your period?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
