First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
