soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize