It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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